Contact Us (But Why?)

If you absolutely insist on contacting us, here are your options. We cannot promise a response, acknowledgment, or even basic human decency, but go ahead.

📧 Email: [email protected] (Our auto-reply is just the sound of distant screaming.)

📍 Address: Unknown. Unverified. Possibly a moving target.

📠 Fax: Tragically lost in an office fire we did not start (allegedly).

🦜 Carrier Pigeon: We might keep it—pigeons sell for a premium in this economy, and honestly, can you blame us? Send at your own risk.

📞 Phone: Dial 1-800-NOPE-NOPE. If someone answers, hang up immediately.

📡 Quantum Messaging: Think about contacting us very hard. If you suddenly feel like you’ve made a mistake, congratulations—it worked.

For complaints, please write them down, fold them into a paper airplane, and launch them toward the nearest strong wind. We’ll pretend we got them.

Still here? Fascinating. Well, you know where to find us. 🚀